Bath Times have definitely become a bonding part of mine and Lee’s relationship. Knowing each other for 4yrs, living together for 3 and being engaged for 2, we have always been open with each other, even to the point of going to the loo without shutting the door, and yes ‘I even fart in front of him’ Oh sorry, ladies don't fart do we, we pass wind. I have no wonder why we even have a door on the bathroom as we never use it, maybe it’s a visitor thing. It’s always been the same; we jelled straight away and have been able to be ourselves from the very start of our relationship. For day dot when we moved in together, if Lee went up for a bath, I would go up later and take him a drink, and would stand there nattering while he splashed around, and vice versa. These days are no different, except for Lee sitting in the bathroom, the entire length of time I am in the bath, obviously so that he can keep an eye on me.
The other evening while Lee was upstairs having his bath I took him a drink up, as per usual and sat myself on the floor, leant against the radiator and as usual started our nattering away. I could feel myself burning up from one of the hot flushes that were coming on more and more now. Lee started to work out when my next period was due. “Bet you don’t have another one now” he said. “I hope I don’t “I told him. I couldn’t face the cramps and headaches that I had recently been having with them on top of these chemo side effects. I rubbed my bald head again. “You just had another Flush dear” Lee smiled over at me. “Yup” I replied “and they are getting worse”. “Wow, Come here quick” Lee said as he quickly sat up in such a way that water splashed around all over and all over the bathroom floor “What” I panicked. “What is it?” “Come here bend down it’s your head” His face was serious. Rubbing my head and panicking slightly, and thinking all sorts of things of, maybe I have spots or a rash or friggin hell a cancer spot, I bent down in front of him and then.... He licked the top of my bloody head and started to sing on the top of his voice ‘My girl lollipop, do do do do. You make my heart go giddy up, do do d do. You are as sweet as candy, you are my sugar dandy. All I could do was laugh uncontrollably while he sang through the whole verse and chorus. “God I love you so much and Thank You” I said when he’d finished and started laughing himself. “Snap” he laughed, and after I’d dried my bald head off from him licking it like a lollipop, I bent over and gave him a great big kiss.
Then another night while I was having a bath, Lee perched himself in his usual position, on the toilet seat. “I have an idea for your flushes” he said “Why don’t you sleep on one of the big bath sheets”. “Bath Sheet” I queried. “That would make me even hotter and I’m sweating cobs without a Towel, thank you very much”. “No seriously” he went on “You’re waking up because you’re hot but you can’t get back to sleep because you’re then dithering with cold from lying on a damp sheet. The bath sheet will absorb the moisture. I bet it works”. I thought about it for a couple of minutes and the more I thought the more it did make sense and so decided to give it go.
Lee changed the subject and asked what time my mum was going to arrive on Thursday. I had no idea, just that it was arranged that she was coming on Thursday so that she would be here to take me for my next chemo early Friday morning. “You do realise that it’s going to be hard for her when she see’s you” he told me. I knew what he meant. Even though I had sent my mum the picture me when Lee had buzzed it off, I was in fact hell of a lot balder now after the cello-tape ordeal, plus it’s a totally different kettle of fish to when it comes to seeing me in the flesh for the first time since losing my hair. She will for the first time see how the chemo is changing her baby daughter.
My thoughts had drifted, I was thinking about how my mum was going to react to me being bald, which was then replaced by the reason why I was bald in the first place, I started to visualise the squatters, this time in even smaller groups. They are dying, dying a horrible death from the chemo poison just like they deserve. So much has changed since I was diagnosed. I look and see things differently, days seem shorter, nights seem longer, people have changed towards me too, some in a good way and some in a bad way, some are just plain nasty. The main thing that really matters is that the family are closer, and Lee and I are closer. Lee and I have reached a point now where we don’t even have to say anything to know each other’s thoughts. We have bonded so much to the point that during intercourse we feel like we have blended into one person.
“Are you flushing again” Lee broke my thoughts. “Yeah” I replied back to him with a big smile. “You’ve gone that lovely shade of red again dear” he said smiling at me. As I sat up to do my usual and dip my head forward to run my hands over my bald head, as this sometimes seemed to cool me down. “Aargh” I screamed. Lee was laughing uncontrollably now as the ice cold water that he had just tipped over me ran from the top of my bald head and down my shoulders and back. As I got my breath together I saw that he was filling the jug again and I quickly tried to move out of the way but no, he poured this one over my head too. “Have you cooled down yet darling” he said laughing so loud now that I’m sure the whole bloody street could hear him. “Yes! I’m bloody freezing now” I laughed back through jittering teeth. “You rotten sod”
Sinking back down into the hot bath water I gazed up at Lee, he was still laughing, laughing to the point where he was having to hold his stomach. I smiled; a happy contented smile “I do Love you” I told him “Snap” he replied.
Lee’s reasons of why he is so intent on sitting with me while having my bath, has paid off, we talk, we are talking about the cancer and my feelings towards it.. Too this point, my feelings are good one’s ‘Thank Goodness’ I am saying this in an open and truthful way, I am happy, I am happy with the fact that every evening when I get into the bath, that I can feel and see how much this chemo is shrinking my lump. I have no fears about this disease, after all, I got squatters and squatters can be evicted, cant they? Another way that his sitting with me has paid off, is during one night while getting up to get out of the bath, a bloody great big hot flush took hold of me that sent me all wobbly to the point that if Lee hadn’t been there I would have fallen over. The whole bloody bathroom did a full 360 degree turn, my eyes didn’t know which way I was looking, in fact, they had gone all blurred and only realised what was happening when I felt Lee’s arms around me, holding me upright and saying “Easy Girl”. He grabbed the towel, wrapped it around me and helped me out of the bath, sitting me down and making sure I didn’t move until the flush had subsided and he could see that I was back to my normal self, well as normal as I could be right now with a shining bowling ball head.
Where would I be without him? Probably in a big heap in the middle of a scrap yard, a snivelling wreck, given up and ready for the cancer to take hold of me, to the point of no return. He keeps my mind occupied; he keeps me looking on the bright side of things, keeps me thinking positive, not letting me get into a self pitying negative mess. Telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. All the time, I am on his mind, I know this from all the phone calls and messages he sends me every day, from the sitting with me while I have my bath and from wanting me to sit with him while he has his. It’s as though he doesn’t want me out of his sight, as though he wants to be with me every second of every day to make sure that I am ok