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Bloods & Oncologist Before Third Chemo
Tuesday 17th July 2007; Back at the hospital for the usual blood tests and checks to make sure that my body has repaired enough to be invaded once again by the chemo poisons that will hopefully cure me from the cancer.It’s getting to be a bit of an ordeal now, not because of the blood tests or anything to do with the treatment, but to do with the fact that I have to catch 2 buses to get there and with quite a walk between the bus stops.This by the way is by choice that I go by bus.I feel bad enough taking up time from everyone for everything else and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone so have been adamant that I go by myself. Plus; I am quite independent and this is proving to me that I still have some independence, as since being diagnosed it seems that everyone has taken a little of this away from me.I know they mean well and it is nice having everyone rallying around, but at the same time it’s nice to do and go somewhere on my own.I have to be up and on the bus by 8 o’clock to the hospital for my appointment time, so with it being the rush hour for everyone getting to work the bus is always busy.
I am being stared at.When I look up I catch the eyes of woman, she quickly looks away but as soon as I look away she’s back looking again.I could feel her eyes burning into me but every time I look round at her she quickly looks away again.I sniggered to myself, if only I had the courage not to wear the bandana and just go bald.If only I had the courage to wip it off right there and then.What a laugh that would be.It would definitely give them something to stare at and how uncomfortable would it make them fell.Maybe one day I will be brave enough but for the time being I am content in playing the game of catching them red handed at staring and seeing the looks on their faces as they quickly turn away as if they had never even seen me.
After arriving at the hospital I took my number for the blood nurse then made my way to the back of the cue at the reception desk to be checked in that I had arrived for my appointment.It was very busy today and as I looked around to see if there were any available seats I was amazed at what I saw.An elderly man was stood very uncomfortable beside a large arm chair.He stood stooped over, leaning against his walking stick.He was frail and skinny, if he were stood up straight he would probably measure approximately 5’ 10” tall and had to weigh a maximum of 9 ½ stone, which for a man is definitely way too much under weight.The devastating thing was that the large arm chair that he stood beside consisted of a young girl in her mid twenties sitting beside what looked like her mum.Above her was a sign that said ‘Chairs are for patients, please be courteous’.What a joke; She definitely wasn’t a patient.Over towards to other end of the waiting room it looked like there was a family outing going off.Mum, Dad, Gran and 2 young children, all that was missing was the family pet and yes you have guessed correctly.They were ALL sat in seats while patients stood uncomfortably around them.So much for being courteous hey?Why is the human race so insensitive?These people obviously know how the treatments affects patients having it as they are accompanying a patient, but like most of the population they think of themselves only.I can remember a time when seats on buses were given up for the elderly or pregnant women but now!This very rarely happens.Elderly are left to stand and you see them struggling to stay upright. Pregnant women with shopping bags struggle and all the while the younger fit passenger’s just stay in their seats and watch.
After I had checked in at the reception I took my place at the only place that was available, against the wall over at the far side of the waiting room.I just hoped that I didn’t miss hearing my name being called from over here.It was a good half an hour of leaning from one leg to another until I heard my number being called to have my bloods taken.The nurse was very good though, she found a vein with no problem and I think I’m getting used to this needle thing as when she said ‘sharp scratch’ I tensed ready to feel the exruitiating pain that usually followed, but it didn’t happen and I indeed only felt a slight sharp scratch.Once she was done, I thanked her as usual and went back to take my place against the wall in the waiting room.Why do we thank nurses for taking our blood?If you think about it we are thanking them for sticking a needle into us, making us bleed and probably giving us a tender bruise that will be there for over a week.Ironic really, we don’t give up our seats for anyone but we thank people for inflicting pain upon us.It baffles me.We do live in a strange strange world.
An hour over my appointment time my name was called. I made my way through the crowded room over to the nurse and followed her into the consultation room.She asked me how I’d been and as I replied with the usual ‘OK’ she prompted for me to jump up on the scales.Oh my God, I knew I’d been nibbling but surely the amount that I had eaten shouldn’t have resulted in me putting nearly half a stone on.This I was not happy about.If I had put on nearly half a stone with just two treatments what I’m going to finish up looking like after the full eight cycles. A blubbering whale that’s what!
My oncologist came in and asked the usual questions of how I’d tolerated the last lot of chemo.I was honest with him and told him how I had felt.The tiredness, nausea, diahrea, dry mouth and lack of taste.He then asked me about my menstrual cycle.Menstrual Cycle! What Menstrual Cycle?This had been none existent this month.I still had a few stomach cramps as if I was going to have one but it never came.My oncologist told me that I probably wouldn’t have another one and re-told me that there would be a good chance that they wouldn’t return due to my age.“Are you saying I’m old and over the hill” I laughed at him. And with a cheeky grin he replied “I wouldn’t say that”.
Next on the agenda was how I’d been sleeping on a night.Well to put it into a nut shell is ‘Not Good’ I have been waking up a lot through the night which is very different for me.Usually once my head hits the pillow I would be out like a light until the next morning.These days though I am waking several times a night either to have a drink because my mouth is so dry that my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth as if by super glue, then I wake to go to the toilet to get rid of all the fluid that I’ve had and the worst one is the hot sweats.I know everyone hears about the hot sweats during the menopause but no-one really tells you what to expect.You see the main thing for me is that these are a lot more severe during the night.I wake up red hot and my body becomes so clammy and sweaty that the bed sheets become wet. After the hot sweat has subsided I then begin to shiver from lying on the wet sheets.So to me the nights are long and tedious.Sometimes I lay looking at Lee, so snug and comfortable and in such a deep sleep that an air raid siren wouldn’t wake him.Sometimes though I have had to wake him, the nights when the sheets are so damp from the hot flushes that there has been no alternative but to change them. I always feel awful when I wake him, disturbing his sleep like that, but he never moans, he just smiles at me, gets out of bed, gets the clean sheets and changes the bed.He has however started to joke about it now and insists that I have in fact pee’d the bed.And that is sometimes just how it feels; if it wasn’t for my whole PJ’s being wet through and the top half being wetter than the bottoms I think I would be worrying and wondering if I had.Saying that even though he jokes about me waking him and him having to change the bed it still doesn’t change the fact that I feel awful for doing so.He does after all have to be up at five in the morning for work.
After explaining my nights to my oncologist he turned to the nurse and told her to get a prescription ready for some sleeping pills.Now there is something that I hadn’t even thought about.Sleeping tablets could well be the answer.If I could get a good night’s sleep then I wouldn’t get so tired through the day and have to ask if I could go home early from work.Why did my thoughts go straight to work?Probably because of the Guilt that I have been made to feel when I do go home early! But the fact is that my first thoughts should have been of happiness and excitement about actually getting a good night’s sleep and not disturbing Lee’s sleep rather than work.Work should have been an afterthought.
My Oncologist motioned for me to take off my upper clothes so that he could examine me and take measurements of my squatters.“Your responding well” he said “I looked down to where he was holding his little measuring device.“Has it shrunk again?” I asked him.He smiled “50 x 40mm now”I smiled it was still shrinking not so much this time but still a drop of 5mm.After getting dressed again I asked him about my weight gain, he agreed that because I was responding well to the treatment and the anti-nausea pills seemed to be working ok that if I wished I could drop the dosage of the Dexamethasone steroids to 2mg daily for 3 days instead of 8mg as these can cause quite a bit of weight gain.I was given the prescription for the sleeping tablets and was free to go.
I had to go to the hospital pharmacy for the prescription and that was another half an hour of waiting.Once that was all sorted I left the hospital for home feeling happy and a good feeling that everything would turn out ok.Again I wanted to tell everyone the good news about it shrinking again and so immediately rang Lee and then my mum.
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